I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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