it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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