trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
