my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
