Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
