if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
