I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
