I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need to align my fucking chakras
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
