He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
