I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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