I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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