it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
