I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You have to summon your inner elephant
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
