Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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