Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
