i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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