she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
