Non-Jews are for practice
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
