I'm so fucking centered right now
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
