dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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