I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
