Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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