Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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