Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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