What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I want to fling myself into the sun
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
