What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
