so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
