someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
