Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His hands were made for my vagina.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
