Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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