Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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