1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
