He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
