rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
