Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize