Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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