the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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