I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
