If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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