Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
