After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
