You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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