i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
