I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
