Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
