So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
