dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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