I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
