I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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