You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
