The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
