Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
