Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
