I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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