I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
