So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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