Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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