Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
