He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
