Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
His nipple licking is glorious
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