My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We talked him into tasing himself.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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