True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
