Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
