I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How's work?
Spinning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
