Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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