Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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