you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize