I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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