Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
