Your tits are I can't wait for
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
