Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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