I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Randomize
