Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
