Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
