He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
