her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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