Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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