Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
