You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
