I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
