I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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