My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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