You can't special order awesome
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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