Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
