...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, beer. Big fan.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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