I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
