I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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