My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
