well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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