If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
