And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
